July 15th, 1862

I woke up in the middle of the night to a loud slam of the door. I swore it was a burglar, the heavy foot steps led to my room. My heart was pounding, I began to get out of bed as a large figure rushed to me and gave me a huge hug. Right when I felt the tight grasp, I knew it was Samuel! He hugged me tight and gave me a long loving kiss. I began to shed tears of joy, nothing was more perfect than having Samuel home again. However, I tried not to get my hopes up because I knew he may have to go back to the war. Emma woke up confused, when she saw her daddies face she ran, jumped in his arms and gave him a big hug. Samuel spun Emma around and gave Emma a big kiss on her cheek. "I've missed you two so much!" claimed Samuel. Emma, Samuel and I all let in a big hug. I could not describe the feeling I had to be with Samuel once again. It was more than I could ask for, I would've never expected it. I had no idea he was coming home! I was so thrilled, I could not let go of my family. I had a wonderful feeling having our whole family, together once again.

Samuel explained to us that he served up to 10 months and could come home. Lincoln predicted the war to be over soon and that he would call for more soldiers. Samuel began to tell us about his experience, he explained how it was one of the most horrifying things he's encountered in his life. Who knew you were so close to death when you are on a battle field with thousands of people. Cannons are being fired all around you, people are screaming, horses are galloping, guns are being fired in every direction and men are being shot down every time you blink. It's very chaotic he described it. It was very interesting listening to his experiences from the war. Emma started tensing up, listening to the vivid descriptions of the battles. Samuel described Henrys shooting. "He was right behind me. He slowed down to check for any more loose soldiers. I kept moving forward to the rest of our men. All I heard was the fire of a gun behind me to know something was wrong. I'm so thankful to still have my best friend alive. Sometimes when I really think about it, I feel like it's my fault Henry got shot. He was so close behind me, if only I stayed with him. What would've happened then?" Henry said with guilt.

I explained to him that its all said and done. Henry is fine, the war is over and he is home. We are all alright and safe and there is nothing else to worry about. I made sure Samuel knew how proud of him I was. He is very talented and strong and as much as Emma and I missed him we are very proud of everything he has done for the Union. Samuel began to talk to Emma about her Birthday. He felt horrible he missed it, although he knew he would make it up to her. Emma didn't mind, she was just glad her father was finally home. Samuel turned to me and said, "Well guess who's birthday is next week?" Yes, my birthday was in a week. July 9th actually, I've never been one that likes getting gifts or attention on my birthday. I mean, what was there to wish for? My wish has finally came true.

I knew I would have to see Clarissa soon, she would love to meet Samuel! Also, since Clarissa's husband has been found, I know after everyone gets settled we will all be getting together very often! I am so thankful for the Union I live in, with strong soldiers who serve us well. Many have died and shed blood, sweat and tears for their beliefs. As Lincoln says, everyone has a reason for fighting, whether it's for themselves, their people, their Generals or even their own family. We are all in this together, it's no "one or none". I know our people has done a lot to help in the victories of the Union. Everything was starting to fall back into place. Samuel was home, Clarissa's husband was found and our family was finally together again. Everything was finally perfect, my own kind of perfect. <3

July 8th, 1862

Clarissa's husband came home yesterday! I am so happy for her and her

family. Thomas and Matthew must be so happy, as well. Tonight, I am having them all over for dinner. I knew that since he would've just gotten home,

he wouldn't have wanted to cook food. I have never met Clarissa's husband, so I really wanted to make the dinner nice. I prepared potatoes with gravy,

some stew, and my famous ash cakes. They came a quarter past 5 when Emma and I got to introduce our selves to Clarissa's husband, Wayne. He is a

very firm, tall man. Wayne and I started talking and I asked him if he knew Samuel. He said he did not, I should have figured. There are tons of men

in the camps, it must be very crowded. We all started eating dinner and talked about Clarissa and her family. Emma, Thomas and Matthew didn't seem

too interested, they were having a conversation of their own. Wayne is a very handsome, nice man, I whispered to Clarissa. I have never seen Clarissa

so happy before. I wonder if I look as happy as Clarissa whenever I'm with Samuel. Thomas and Matthew as well, looked happy for the most part.

Besides the fact I could tell they weren't too much interested in the ash cakes. They contained sweet spices and vegetables, in my opinion I love them.

But that's not what matters. Tonight was nice, I'm glad I got to meet Clarissa's husband. They are such a happy, enjoyable family to be around.

July 1st, 1862

Today, around late afternoon, Clarissa came to my house, thrilled. She told me her husband was found and that he had a few wounds but he would survive. He would be able to come home for good in a few weeks. Clarissa was so relieved and ecstatic! I was so happy for her, I could tell now she was beginning to feel a lot better! I am glad that Clarissa's husband was found, I started worrying about her by the way she was acting. It is a blessing he was found, he needed to come home to his wonderful wife and glorious children. Hopefully, when Clarissa's husband comes home I will be able to meet him sometime.

At the commission, there are few soldiers, troops and generals. They all went back to the war, recovering quickly which is quite a good thing. The days are going on very slowly. Emma and I went on a walk and enjoyed a nice picnic. The weather was wonderful, it was very humble and sunny outside. I loved the weather, I wish it was like this more often. Usually, there is a slight breeze that becomes chilly, but today was a very calming, peaceful day. I love the days where I can sit outside, relaxing, have my mind off of all worries and watch the sunset by enjoying a nice hot glass of tea. I haven't had one of those days in awhile, I miss the old times. I'm always stressed out nowadays, there is always something on my mind. Samuel use to be the only one who could make me clear my mind off of everything. He always has the perfect set of words to make me feel better.

June 24th, 1862

I have not heard from Samuel in awhile, I am getting very worried considering the fact of the harsh battle we've had. I hope he writes me soon, I miss him so much. Hopefully, he met back up with Henry since he's been sent back to the war. There has been so much suspense lately for everyone due to the war. Everyone is stressed out and are going ballistic without their husbands. I know I am one of them. Before the war, I would have never imagined getting my husband taken away from me and having to live on without him while he serves in the Union. None of this came to my attention until a few months ago. I understand that after all this is over, hopefully Lincoln will once again do what's best and unite the North and the South so we can be a whole again. All I can say is that slavery better not be expanded, but lets not even go there.

I met up with Clarissa today, she's doing better. I try to cheer her up and let her know that I'm here for her anytime she needs me. I am willing to spare my shoulder when she needs someone to cry on. I hope the best for her, I can only imagine what she's going through. I feel her pain of having the feeling she's lost her husband forever. I as well, do not know what I would do either if anything like that happened to me. I am always here for though and know that he will be found soon. I pray for Clarissa and her family to get through the struggles of the news about their father. I pray that all the soldiers stay strong and fight hard to victory. That Samuel is doing alright and Henry is feeling better.

June 17th, 1862

So much has occurred the past few months, if I could wish for anything it would be for the war to just end. That the Union and Confederacy could solve their differences and come to a treaty. Then, Samuel could come home, Clarissa's husband would've never gone missing and the Union and Confederacy would be a whole again. That's everything Lincoln would've supported as well, he is a god man. Lincoln is non supportive of the idea of slavery and believes that you should always help others. He is a patient, humorous, caring man of citizenship.

In my opinion, Lincoln is one of the best presidents we've had, regarding the civil war that is occurring during his presidency. The war is very haunting, I bet it scars many soldiers when they come home. Clarissa explained to me that the General told her they were picking up the dead bodies and found her husbands missing. It must be devastating picking up your own mens, dead bodies and declaring them dead or not. I know I could not do it, I couldn't even have the courage to walk on a battle field whether there was a war going on or not. It must be hard going out there to fight, you'd have to have a lot of bravery. Especially when your fighting off others and you may see your best friend get shot. You must have to have a lot of wits and strength to keep fighting without giving up and backing down. I'm thankful for all the many soldiers we have fighting for the Union, they are all so strong and brave.

June 10th, 1862

Today at the Commission, nurses are treating people with diseases which could be a cause for the many deaths. Many of the areas the soldiers are traveling, catch sufferable diseases. Hopefully, they just may have a miracle and find a cure. There have been many lives lost within the week. The Union deserves to win the war. Lincoln has good technique and leadership to lead the Union to victory. The Confederate does not deserve to win, due to the ignorance they have. All the South cares about is their people and slavery. Slavery is inhumane and cruel, no single human being deserves to be looked down upon nor treated like dirt.

Every individual is equal and no person stands higher than any other should. Some of the most unfortunate people have the most talent, but it may never be recognized because people are too blinded and ignorant to look past the flaws. The South may have the strength to win, but they will never have what really matters, nobility and leadership. I know that Lincoln will do what's best. I do not know what our world would be like if the South won the war and slavery expanded into the North. I could not imagine how the economy would change either. Slaves are cruel and southerners show no respect toward any others, besides themselves. I hope the war is over soon and that the North and South can just make peace with one another.

June 3rd, 1862

Clarissa came over today and told me that she told Matthew and Thomas about their father. As for her, they had nothing to say. They just started crying and asked when she found out. Clarissa gave her boys a hug and told them what the General told her. They would bring new news whenever they found something else out. I could tell Clarissa has a lot on her mind. Worrying about her children, her husband and herself. She had a large weight to carry on her shoulders. Clarissa was over about an hour and said she better be heading home. Matthew and Thomas would be coming home from school soon and she had to get supper ready. I invited Clarissa and her family over for dinner, which was the least I could do.

Whenever Emma got home, I told her Clarissa, Matthew and Thomas's father went missing from the war and that as a nice gesture, we would supply dinner for them. Emma had the sweet idea of making them a pie to take home with them. Emma put down her school bag and started making a blueberry pie. I started the chicken and putting together the gravy. I put the biscuits in the oven and started boiling up some soup. The food smelt so delicious I knew it would be perfect.

Right as Emma and I finished, Clarissa, Matthew and Thomas arrived on perfect timing. Emma went up and gave Thomas and Matthew a big hug. You could tell how much it meant to them, still feeling sad about the whole situation. We all sat down for dinner and started eating, the food was very delightful. After we finished supper, Clarissa and her boys only stayed around for about 15 minutes. Usually we would chat for awhile, but Emma and I both knew that they had nothing to say and were not in the mood. Before they left, Emma gave them their pie and it looked like that cheered Thomas and Matthew up. They thanked us dearly and were on their way.

May 22nd, 1862

Today, Clarissa came to my house crying. She looked so shocked and heartbroken at the same time. She explained to me about how her family got a letter that her husband was one of the 5 soldiers who went missing in the Battle of McDowell. She was so devastated in tears and could not find the words to speak to me. I felt so bad and sad for myself for her husband. When Clarissa started to stop crying she told me that a general came to her home and told her about how the battle had many deaths, injuries as well as missing people. The officer explained to her that her husband went missing after the battle. The rest of the soldiers went back to pick up the dead bodies and pronounce them dead when 5 went missing. Clarissa's husband was one of them. Clarissa immediately broke down when they said he was one of them.

She could not grasp the fact out of the 6,500 people, her husband was 1 of 5 of the 6,500 people to go missing. She found it unbelievable and could not stop crying. I understand how Clarissa felt, because I would feel the exact same way. The General guaranteed Clarissa that when he found more information out about her husband that he would let her know, as soon as possible. I gave Clarissa a big hug and told her that I was here for her and that if she'd like her and her boys could come and spend some time over at our house. Clarissa thanked me and said her children were still in school. She broke down crying again, trying to think of a way she would tell her kids about their father.

May 15th, 1862

I have received bad news earlier today. The confederate army won the Battle of McDowell. To my acknowledge, from the Union 34 were killed, 220 are wounded and 5 are missing. From the Confederacy, 116 were killed, 300 are wounded, 4 are missing. On the bright side, only 34 compared to 116 were killed. Although, many are wounded and few are missing, 34 lives compared to 116 lives is not that man. Although, if you think about it, 34 lives that could be nearly 7 families, all lost on the battle field.

Lincoln must already be sending in more soldiers to fight, since we lost. I pray that Samuel nor Henry got injured, are missing or the worst, killed. I also, pray for all the families that have injured, missing or even killed soldiers. They are probably in devastation and lamentable, I know I would be. I would not be able to live a single day if I knew my husband passed away. The pain would live on with me my whole life knowing, I would never see my husband again. As well for Emma, she would have to grow up and live her life without her daddy, no man to lead her through her life. It is one of the most contemplative and veritable thoughts that have been running through my mind.

May 8th, 1862

Today, I met up with Clarissa again. I told her about my experiences at the Commission. I explained to her about Henry and the man who got shot in the head. It's so devastating seeing many lives lost, feeling hopeless knowing theres really nothing you can do. It hurts to be so close to many deaths of your own people. Clarissa told me about how she hasn't heard from her husband in a few weeks either, which worries the both of us.

Late evening, we got a letter sent to the town about the Battle of McDowell that is now occurring. It is being fought in Highland country, a part of Virginia. In this battle, the Union has 6,500 strength over the Confederates 6,000. The Unions commanders are Robert H. Milroy and

Robert C. Schenck. As for the Confederates, is Stonewall Jackson. I pray that this is a strong war and the Union takes victory with all the strength they have, and over powering number of soldiers. They have been forced to fight and become stronger, all they need is encouragement. I know they will be able to do this. They have been training very hard and have already, had many successes. Hopefully, this will be one of the many others.

May 1st, 1862

The turning point of the war in the New Mexico Territory occurred two days ago, on March 28th with the Battle of Glorieta which lasted for nearly 3 days. Union forces destroyed a confederate supply train which was located 6 miles East from where the battle was occurring. Many confederate soldiers suffered many wounds and deaths. I am trying to remember all the news the telegraph contained about this event but I can't quite remember the rest. I pray that Henry is recovering well and is doing alright.

I hope he does not become easily weak and weary. I have a feeling he will get through it, although I am still very concerned. Hopefully, I will hear from Samuel soon to know if he has seen Henry once again. I hope they are both doing alright and will be able to come home soon. Today, a man who got shot in the head was sent to the Commission. He was in a coma for 2 days and the doctors tried to do everything they could, until they announced they lost him. It was too late, another brave man who fought for the Union lost their life. It must be devastating for the soldiers family members and friends. Why must there be war, fighting doesn't solve anything. It's just an act of showing whom is stronger than another. Peace is not being made, only shame and death. I do not understand how anyone can fight their enemy, it only causes more trouble that is not necessary.

April 24th, 1862

As I predicted, Henry got drafted back into the war. He is still weak and sore in his shoulder but the Generals say he could be to some assistance. I did not get to say my last words to him before who knows when, but I pray that he feels better and has strength to be placed back into to war. Although, Samuel will be thrilled to see him. I hope Samuel is doing alright, I haven't heard from him in a few weeks. Emma has been asking me about Henry until I told her I would not be seeing him any more, since he is going back to war. Emma then, asked about her father. She questioned about how if Samuel got hurt then, he may get sent to the Commission. I told Emma not to cross her fingers for that. I explained how it's much better if Samuel is somewhere else, healthy and unharmed than home and critically injured. I would not put my selfish desires under my husbands health. I just wish the war would be over or at least send the present soldiers home and send in new ones. I've been worrying about Samuel a lot. It kills me to walk around the Commission aiding soldiers, troops and generals from the war. It hurts aiding soldiers who could once, be my own husband. When I don't hear from Samuel in a long amount of time it gives me the feeling something bad has really happened to him. I do not have a single clue how Emma and I would stand in life, nor go on if anything happened to Samuel.

April 17th, 1862

Whenever Samuel tell's me not to worry and that he will be alright, makes me worry even more about him. A lot has occurred the past few days concerning the war. On April 12th, the confederates fired on Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbor. Although, the next day, Fort Sumter surrendered. Lincoln called for 75,000 volunteers April 15th, that is a plentiful amount of people. Today, Virginia's convention voted for secession. There are so many events concerning the war occurring. I hope Samuel is doing well and that Henry recovers quickly so he can be back on his feet. From the looks, it seems Henry may have to go back to war soon. He is doing well but also, Lincoln is calling for more soldiers including the ones who are still serving.

Today was a slow day, I only assisted patients that've been there for weeks. I changed out patients bandages, served lunch and cleaned up. I always figured public food such as doctors and such served horrible foods. Although, those are just rumors from stereotypes, the food cooked at the Commission was wonderful. I don't know if it's just me because I'm so use to only eating food I usually cook, but it was very delightful! I wonder if people think of my food as delightful as I think of theirs. I love cooking but I never stopped to think, am I even a good cooker?

April 10th, 1862

It's been almost a month since Henry woke up from his injury and was treated. Henry is doing much better and his shoulder is nearly healed. Although, I hope they do not send him back to the war so soon, he is not ready. His shoulder is still very weak and can barely be stretched out. However, the Union needs soldiers and exceptions aren't an excuse. Whatever happens to Henry, I pray that he can still be a strong fighter and make it through the pain he's going through.

I explained to Clarissa about Henry and Samuel and the war. Clarissa has been watching Emma for the hours I spend extra at the Commission, it really helps me out. I appreciate everything she has done for me, It means so much. Emma explained to me about how she wanted to go meet Henry one day. Unfortunately, they would be strict about that and there were too many ill people, I would not want Emma to be exposed to.

Everything has been so hectic. Seeing what happened to Henry really worries me that something may happen to Samuel. I would rather have him stay unharmed somewhere else than critically injured here. I have no earthly idea what I would do if I went to the Commission one regular, old day and saw my husbands face. I would be speechless and devastated, I do not know what I would do if my husband every got injured and I saw him. I would much rather wait to see his shining face happy and successful than with pain and sorrow. Regarding how long it would take.

April 3rd, 1862

Today we got a letter back from Samuel! He told us about how he was doing fine and that he knows about Henry and has been terribly worried. Anyways, on with the letter..

Dear Emma and Annabelle,

I am very sorry I have not responded in so long. That is wonderful you work at the Commission, it is a very good place to have a job at. I in fact, have heard about Henry. I was actually there when he got shot down. The war really scars you and it's horrible running away from the dead bodies of your own men. Henry was running back to the rest of us and as he turned around, a man came out of no where and shot him. It was the scariest moment in my life. One of the troop leaders shot the man as we all rushed over to Henry. He looked very dizzy and out of it. He started loosing a ton of blood and started going to sleep on us. We made sure everything was clear and we left, group by group. Henry's shoulder was tied by a bandana I keep in my jacket, which kept his arm tight so he would not loose any more blood. I swore I had lost my best friend that moment. Everything happens so fast, it's scary how many dead people fill fields and how just one can affect many lives. I know you will take good care of him as well as the other nurses. Please give him my best regards. I miss two so much more than you can imagine. Please, do not worry about me, I will be fine. Take care of yourselves, I will hear from you soon.

Love, Samuel.

March 27th, 1862

Today, I made the decision to speak to Henry. He seemed like he was doing a lot better than last week. He was awake eating some of the chicken broth that was made earlier that morning. I sat down next to him and said hello Henry. He looked at me with a surprised look. He said to me, "Anna? I haven't seen you in years!" Everyone who I knew as a teenager called me Anna, and then I started going by Annabelle as I got older. Henry and I talked about his shoulder and about how I've been working at the commission. I told Henry I was concerned about him and that I hope his shoulder gets better. He simply said, "Oh it's nothing, I will be fine." That's what all tough men say but really, I bet they want to cry as much as they say the women complain. Henry and I started talking about the war when he told me about how him and Samuel ran into each other at one of the training camps. I explained to Henry about how Samuel sent me a letter a few months ago telling me about seeing you. I told him how I thought it was nice he had someone there to be with, that he knew. Henry told me that Samuel is doing fine as of what he knows, before he got shot. He told me how intense and long the training is. Henry was always the one to joke around with everyone. He told me about how horrible the food tasted and how he would trade that food in anyday for his wifes wonderful cooking. It's nice getting to see and speak to Henry about everything going on. However, once he is all healed up he will most likely be sent back into the war.

March 20th, 1862

I have been very worried about Henry as well as Samuel. Although, I have good news, Henry awoke today! He was feeling very weak and confused. He asked what happened to his arm and explained how all he could feel was pressure and throbbing in his shoulder. The nurse explained to him what happened and he started to have flash backs from the incident. He looked scared and timid at the same time. He had no clue about where he was and if he had to go back to the war. I could tell he was wondering, where is my family, how long have I been here, how did I end up here?

After a few hours he got settled down and from what the nurses knew, they explained to him. It must be hard trying to explain to someone what happened to them when you barely even know. Henry got weaker and weaker by all the confusion he was creating for himself. He looked very tired and worn out, with bags under his eyes. His arm was all bandaged up but he insisted on seeing it. The nurses said to wait awhile, as Henry explained what he started remembering about getting shot. He explained how he started to turn around to head back to his army and a man in gear and a mask pulled out a revolver and shot him in the shoulder. All he said he could remember was a sharp pain and feeling his body crash to the ground. The rest was a blur along with the faces and screaming among his ears.

I sat and listened from the side, to the conversations Henry murmured with the nurses. I decided to wait a few days until I would talk to him. I could tell he was weak and obviously loved to talk! He needed time to recover and heal. He is a very strong man, I doubt I would have the courage to wake up to the pain and confusion he has to deal with, if that happened to me.

March 13th, 1862

Today Emma and I decided we would write Samuel a letter. We hadn't heard from him in so long and we didn't know where to begin..

Dear Samuel,

Emma and I are worried and have been anxious to know how you have been doing, we miss you so much. I began a job at the United States Sanitary Commission as a nurse. The other day, I aided a man who had been shot in shoulder by a confederate. I came to find out that it was Henry Buford. It aches my heart to have been so close to someone and not even realize whom it was. I'm not sure if you know about his injury but I will keep you updated on how he is doing. He has not awoken since his injury. Although, the best trained nurses are trying to do the best they can. I've met a nice woman from a past job I took at the market, named Clarissa. Her husband is in the war as well. She has two boys, Matthew and Thomas who Emma enjoy being around. Clarissa has been there through a lot with me. Possibly, you may know her husband, I never caught his name though. I cannot wait until the day you come home. I constantly try to remember and hold on to the memories we have. I miss you very much. Please write back to me as soon as you can, I hope you are alright. Emma and I have been worrying about you deeply and are anxious to hear from you soon.

Love, Annabelle and Emma

March 6th, 1862

Today, at the Commission, the nurses got the bullet out of Henrys shoulder. I saw the wound before I got to help bandage it. The wound from where the bullet was pulled out, is very deep. It is swelled and may be infected. The nurses gave me ointment to put on it that should heal it quickly. Henry has been out for days and has a pulse but has not awaken yet.. I wonder if he will ever awake, I hope he does. I can't imagine how Samuel would feel if he lost Henry. I wish I could talk to Samuel, I decided I would write him a letter later on.

Emma has never met Henry before, I am trying to decide whether or not to tell her about his injury. I'm not sure what's best for her but it's better she knows now than later. I do not want to scare her by making her think this will happen to her father. I told her later on that evening and she had a surprised look on her face. She looked shocked and struck by the news. I could tell she had fear in her eyes about what all can happen to the hopeless people out there fighting. I hope that Samuel is doing well and is aware of Henry's injury.

February 30th, 1862

Oh my goodness, today I found out who the man that got shot in the shoulder was! It was Henry Buford, Samuels best friend since Junior high. How could I have not recognized him!? Under the layer of blood, sweat and dirt was a face I knew. Oh my goodness. The layer of guilt built up in my body. Before, I had no clue who the man was. Only feeling concerned but no where near the feeling I have now, knowing who it was. I felt shocked and sunken when I found out. When I arrived at the Commission today, I saw his profile in the cabinet and saw who he was. I hope I can request to help treat him, since I know him.

I can't even remember the last time I've seen him. I wasn't very close to him or anything but as I knew Samuel since we were young, Samuel and Henry were always together. They were more than best friends, more like brothers. I hope Henry wakes up and gets better. He is very, severely injured and the wound from the bullet is very deep. I wonder if Samuel knows that Henry has been shot. I wonder if Samuel, himself is doing alright. I hope I get to hear from the both of them soon. Henrys wound does not look very good, I pray that the nurses do all they can and will be able to help Henry so he will be alright.

February 23th, 1862

I had a very amazing day. The Commission is so much of what I dreamed. I love helping every single one of the people in there. There was one man who had a bloody arm that was very skinned up. I helped wash his arm and bandaged it with a wrap. There were many people, mostly men on stretcher, layout beds being cared by many women. The man I bandaged was named Robert. He got his arm stuck in the belt of some type of machine gun... I did not quite catch all of what he was explaining to me. There were lots of men, some needing serous medical help and others just being mended for.

There was one man.. I'm not sure what his name was but he was shot down by a confederate and was sent to the Commission. He was shot on his left shoulder, near his heart. One of the ladies that was near him, but not one of the ladies helping him, said they lost him and his heart beat stopped. Somehow, she explained, it started pulsing back up. Trained women were helping the man but they are still trying to get him to wake and go from there.

I pray for that man and his family. I hope the bullet did not send a shock to his heart and severely hurt him. Please mend that man to healing so he can go home to his family.

February 16th, 1862

Oh how the months have flown by.. Valentines day was just two days ago..

Emma and I spent our valentines day with Clarissa , Matthew and Thomas. Once again, Matthew and Thomas were excited to talk to Emma, as well as she. They laughed and enjoyed the time they spent together. Clarissa filled me in with what she was planning on doing, further on. She told me she was going to stay, working at the market. She'd love to work at the Commission, though, with her two boys to handle she did not want to put every thing off from them by spending more time at the Commission.

Clarissa's dear, petite self offered me the sweetest thing. She said she understands how I want to be connected closer to the war and help out, so she offered to let Emma stay with her whenever she's not at school, and I am at the Commission. I felt like a handle and told her she really didn't have to but she insisted. She said the boys would like that, as well as Emma. Since, they enjoy seeing each other so much. Emma, Matthew and Thomas all go to the same school, but I doubt they barely get to see one another. Clarissa is such a help, I don't know if I can ever repay her for so much of what she's helped me through.

February 9th, 1862

I have ended by job at the market and now I will work at the United States Sanitary Commission. I have a feeling I will like it, I'm really excited to start helping people. Clarissa is a little dreadful I'm not working at the market anymore. Although, I only needed a job there part time to hold me up from the start. I had to move on from that because I knew working at the Commission would be where I felt I really belong. Clarissa liked the idea of the Commission though! Although, I'm not quite sure what she will be doing as of staying at the market or a different alternative. I'm not worried though, I have a positive feeling that wouldn't be the last time we ever talk. Clarissa and I still talk often and meet together a few times a week. Clarissa's boys like seeing Emma and I enjoy that because then Clarissa and I get to have time to chat and catch up on everything.

I start the job next week! Emma is excited for me as well. She knows how much I enjoy nursing people. I use to play doctor with Emma, a few years ago.. before the war started. She would always pretend to be sick and I would be the doctor. I'd examine her and give her "medicine" telling her, her symptoms. I miss those fun, laughable times we've had. I would do anything to have everything back to how it use to be. The whole family, not worrying about anything and being a whole, together..

February 2nd, 1862

I've been thinking about a lot lately concerning the war and occupying myself. I decided that I want to try to become a nurse and aid troops from the war. I love volunteering and helping others. I want to work in an organization called the United States Sanitary Commission. Thousands of women from the North and South go to work at organizations like the U.S Sanitary Commission and I decided it would be a good thing to do. I enjoy helping others and treating them when they are sick or injured.

I know i'm not the only one who has had a lost, loved one. Many peoples husbands, fathers, uncles, grandfathers and more have lost their lives or came home seriously, longtime wounded. Many men are shattered by their experiences of the war and place burdens on their families. Many men who come back from the war suffer serous injuries and may even have to deal with them for the rest of their lives. Lots of women are ecstatic when their husbands return but have to grasp the fact they may be critically injured. I have no earthly idea what I would do if this happened to Samuel. I feel comfort when I get to help make a change and mend an injured person.

It will hurt seeing many injured troops, weak and dying. Although, It will feel good knowing I may save a family from desperation by helping their loved ones. I am almost positive this is what I want to try to do.

January 26th, 1862

Today I started working on the generals uniforms. I never felt like I had such a duty to serve to the war, until now. It feels good being connected to the ones in the war. Emma was interested in the way I embroider and sew all the colors together. She offered to help but when I tried to explain how It'd have to be done, she simply said "I'll be in my room playing with Mallory.." and giggled. Mallory is her favorite doll her daddy gave to her. She carries it nearly every where she goes. Emma is always fixing her dolls hair, brushing it, braiding it and even takes her on walks with her. I wish our family was a whole again. I feel like a portion of my life has been ripped out of me and i'm sinking without it. Since the day Samuel has left, Emma and I's lives have been very different. But we are making it through and Emma seems to be opening up. The first few months her father left, she was very closed to herself and lonesome. She would barely talk to me and would never tell me what was on her mind. Although, we both came out of our shell once we started getting our mind off of everything and making the best of what we've to deal with.

January 19th, 1862

Today Georgia seceded from the Union. Since the civil war began, South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida and Alabama have been the only seceding states. When a state secedes, they basically leave or withdraw from the Union. When I got home from the market, I got a letter requesting to help sew clothing such as uniforms for generals in the war. I heard that most of the women who've had a family member sent to war, have gotten a letter like mine. All we were asked was to sew uniforms with the description given under the letter. Then, we were to send them in to the address given above. I barely have time now for such work! I don't know how I will fit it in although, I plan on doing a few over the weekend. Somehow, I felt surprised getting this letter but also, honored. It would be nice getting to help sew the generals uniforms. I like sewing and making clothing. Even when I was little, I use to tinker with the needle and thread. I enjoyed trying to make something out of my hands. When I was 11, I made my mother a hat. I practiced often and kept doing it until now.

January 12th, 1862

Finally, the rain has stopped! It was a sunny day, having the blistering sun

hovering over the frigid air. I dried Emma and I's clothes on the line and found myself with some extra, spare time to myself. I knitted a scarf I would give to Clarissa. It's the least I could do for everything she's done for me. The scarf was very soft and had multiple colors along it. It was white with light pink and green stripes. I hope she will like it, i've been working on it for hours and will hopefully be finished soon.

It is very, very frigid outside. Emma loves going outside seeing frost on the

house and see her breath whenever she talks. Personally, I do not like the

cold. It gets pretty chilly in Ohio over the winter. I prefer cool weather as it

is here, over the Summer. Although, it gets very cold. I wish there was cool

weather throughout the year. I don't like having to pack layers of clothes on

and burn my tongue on hot drinks, having to warm me up. I'd rather be

enjoying the nice breeze sitting on the patio.. like the old days.

January 5th, 1862

I cannot believe its already 1862! For new years, I give a shout out to all the soldiers who have and are fighting for our union and the confederate army. Courageous soldiers are on battle fields this moment fighting for what they believe in. Many people take what they have for granted but it's not about having the best of everything, but making the best of everything you have. What I've learned while Samuel is gone is that everything happens for the best and through it all, you learn new things. What doesn't kill you along the way of your challenges, can only make you a stronger person. People have to learn to accept what's planned for them. I mean I'm not going to complain about having my husband sent off to war, even though I miss him like crazy.

I know that God has a plan for Samuel and a reason for him to be sent off to war. I have no doubt that Samuel will be alright, he will be in Gods hands, safe. He has the strength and faith fit for a soldier who can overcome any of the greatest or smallest things. I hope this new year offers many wonderful things, including the war to be over and soldiers to be sent home, safely to their families.

December 29th, 1861

Christmas, 3 days ago was very calming. It was lonely but peaceful. The feeling of the warm fire and glowing streets, christmas carolers around town, aroma of fresh meat and delicious foods. It was all perfect, but one thing was missing, family... Samuel. I never really had a true family as I was growing up. Holidays was just Samuel, Emma and I. My mother and father passed away as I was a child. I grew up with my grandmother, whom passed away when I was nearly taking care of her. As for Samuel, him and his family haven't talked in many years.

This Christmas, Clarissa and her children came over for dinner. Clarissa brought over a portion of the food we feasted on. It was all wonderful food. Even though Clarissa and her children kept company, the house still felt empty without Samuel. It was wonderful being with their family though. They are wonderful people and Clarissa feels just as overwhelmed with everything, as me. Clarissa and I are very supportive to one another about our struggles that we've gone through. I am glad I have someone there for me that I can always count on, Clarissa.

Happy Birthday Jesus Christ <3

December 22nd, 1861

Today Emma and I got a letter from Samuel! I was so thrilled, I could not wait until we would hear from him. I hoped he was doing well from all of the battles that occurred. Emma and I opened the letter right after we got it, not even having the patience to sit down. The letter read:

Dear Emma and Annabelle,

I miss you two dearly. I am truly sorry I have not written you two in a while. We have been very busy with training, as I mentioned last time. I miss you two so very much. I cannot get my mind off of you two where ever I go. I am always thinking about how you two are doing and when I will be able to see my two beautiful ladies again. The battles have gotten very difficult, as well as the training. We spend days and nights getting stronger and stronger by the minute. I get scared whenever I go out to fight. Although, knowing the more I fight the closer I may be to seeing you two, makes me fight with even more effort. It kills me to know I will probably not be home to celebrate Christmas in 3 days. That would be a miracle if they sent us home to our family for Christmas. Although, I'm pretty sure that's not the way it all works out. I miss you two very much. I dread the days I have to go without you, but we both have to stay strong. Everything will be over soon and I will come back home to my two favorite, girls. I love you two very much.

Love Samuel.

Samuel is the light to our lives and knowing he will not be home for Christmas is very dreadful but what whats got to happen, has to happen and that cannot be changed.

December 15th, 1861

Late afternoon, the town got late news that occurred a few days ago. The news spoke of the battle of Chusto-Talasah/Caving Banks, occurring on December 9th. In the Tulsa County, Colonel Douglas H. Cooper and his 1,300 Confederates attacked Chief Opothleyahola. The Chief was aware they were coming and placed troops at Horseshoe Bend. They fought for hours until Cooper and his confederates drew the federalists East, where they took the victory. There was word that Cooper and his men from the confederate army, backed off once they drew them East and then left. Knowing this, hopefully everyone is alright.

The wars are so unexpected. My family lives in a very small town in Hollansburg, Ohio. We don't get news of any expected occurrences, only important news that gets telegraphed. I hope no one got hurt, especially Samuel. I don't know what I would do if something happened to Samuel in the war. I would be devastated, it's already hard enough not seeing him month after month. All I wake up to in the morning is to see little Emma and hope for Samuel's return. My family is my everything and without Samuel, Emma and I's life feels incomplete.

December 8th, 1861

Today was a very pleasant day, Emma had a good day at school and I had a good day at the market. It was alright, like any other day where nothing ever quite exciting occurs. This evening, a nice woman named Mary Belcher whom lives right down the street invited Emma and I over for dinner. She is a very lovely woman, quite petite and enjoyable to be around. I brought over a fresh roll of bread and she made potato soup, with fresh vegetables she grew from her garden. It was very delightful and delicious making my taste buds tingle. For dessert, I brought over a raspberry pie that I made from my secret recipe. Mary and I had a long conversation about the generals and soldiers in the war. It seems like nowadays the talk is always about the war. That's all anyone is worried about and can keep a conversation on about. Although, soon the war will be over and everyone will be together back with their friends and families.

December 1st, 1861

Today, it rained again. Our clothes outside hanging on the clotheslines got soaking wet. They were drenched with water and had barely a single dry spot. How would we dry our clothes to wear? Emma and i did not have but a few clean, spare clothes to wear. I would have to sow some more clothes for us to wear until the rain stopped so we could dry our clothes. The weather got very chilly over the days. Today is the first of December so we will need very warm clothes for the next couple months. If only we had more money. Then, we could fix renivations within our home, including the hole in the roof of our living room. Every time it rains, water drips through the celing and soaks the floor. The buckets we put under the water fills up and has to be emptied very often. Also, the windows are jammed and the doors hinges are getting rusty. There is always fusteration trying to open the windows. They always get jammed and can never open when its musky and sweltering hot inside. When its too cold, the windows let strong winds in and it gets very frigid inside. The front door has rusty bolts and is getting worn down. Once the economy becomes better, hopefully we can tinker with the house. Samuel was always the handy man in the house and good at repairing things. Now with the war, there's no time for fixing nor the money.

November 30th, 1861

The town today got a telegraph about a Skirmish fight at Little Cacapon River. A group of small soldiers unexpectidly attacked a union camp commanded by Brig. Gen. Benjamin F. Kelly. The group of soldiers, or "bushwackers" only managed to take a few of the unions horses. Luckly, no harm was done. I hope that my dear Samuel is safe. I know and trust in my heart that he will fight for us and be alright throughout the war. There are many strong fighters out there, fighting for the North. I hope Samuel will be sent home by Christmas. It would be nice to have to whole family together after being separated for so long. Every Christmas we cook wonderful food we rarely eat and enjoy the Birth of Jesus Christ. I'm not sure how long the soldiers have to serve in the war, but I sure wish I knew. It kills me inside to sit down at the table eating with Emma, looking across the table at an empty chair. A soft spread pillow next to me and a cold lonely feeling when we awake. I hope Samuel is doing well and will write us back soon.

November 23rd, 1861

Today was a gloomy day. It rained most the day and it was very windy and chilly outside. The wind was blowing rain everywhere. Including that it was very foggy out. Emma and I stayed inside the house and relaxed. I knitted a blanket and Emma played with her dolls. I wonder where Samuel is this exact moment. In a battle, enjoying the day or even thinking about Emma and I? It has been almost 4 months since Samuel has left. I can't wait until the day I see an officer at our door once again sending news that Samuel will be drafted to come back home. I miss him so much. I know Emma does too, even though she doesn't show how she feels about everything that has happening. I think she's too shocked about having her father leave to wonder and worry about everything going on.

Days are hectic and long, with many things on my mind. I often awake in the middle of the night having nightmares like Emma had a few weeks ago. I dream about Samuel getting injured or shot down by another soldier. It hurts to know that this may happen. But everything happens for a reason. God wouldn't put you in a situation if he couldn't get you out of it. The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have. Which is what I try to do, and stay strong for Emma. She knows that if she doesn't see me worrying about anything everything should be alright, because she knows I tend to worry easily. All we can do is pray and wish for the best for all the soldiers.

November 16th, 1861

The winter breezes have gotten stronger and the days have gotten cooler. Today, I went on a picnic with Emma, Clarissa and her children. We went to the fields right outside of town giving us a very pretty view of the town. We enjoyed the breeze that blew by and the cool weather. Clarissa and I talked more about the war and our husbands. It seems like that is the only thing that we have in common. Most of the time we have time to talk, we discuss how our family is holding up and how we have been. Although, it's something that keeps us talking and i'm not complaining, because i'm glad I have someone there to connect feelings with. I feel like Clarissa knows everything I'm saying when I talk to her. She is like the best friend I've never had. Always being there to talk to and as well as me, for her.

Emma is starting to open up to others. It makes me restless trying to keep everything perfect while Samuel is gone. Emma and Clarissas boys, Matthew and Thomas are becoming good friends. It's nice knowing Emma has someone to talk to and spend time with. I'm starting to feel relieved and less stressed with the changes we've had to encounter. I try to make the best of everything and stay strong for Emma and I. It's hard having your husband and dad go off to war. Trying to continue your life on, mending with the changes. It's so difficult and different but Emma and I will make it. I can't stand to keep thinking about the war and Samuel along with it. Serving in the war is a very difficult, dangerous but brave duty. Many soldiers get shot down or severely injured fighting for what they believe in. I wish I knew the minutes, seconds, days, hours or months to count down on, to when Samuel would return.

November 9th, 1861

Winter has nearly come, but is still approaching. The grounds are frosting and the leaves have nearly fallen. The wind has been blowing and the leaves are whirling around the cool air. It's going to be chilly getting Emma to school very early in the morning and as for myself, getting to the market. The cold is enjoyable but not when you have places to be. You can't always be home sleeping, drinking hot tea and sitting by the fire place. Although, the North gets very cold so Emma and I must have the proper clothing to be prepared for the season. Emma and I are going to a little store in town to shop for some warm clothing today. I sowed Emma a sweater from some loose cloth I gathered together. I couldn't risk Emma, nor I to get sick.

That evening, there was a man on a horse galloping through the town. I looked out the window as I heard the man on the horse ecstatically yell, whirling around in circles. The man looked like an officer. He was screaming about how Major General Henry Halleck is given command of the states east of the Mississippi. Also, he mentioned how Brigadier General Don Carlos Buell is put in command of eastern Kentucky and Tennessee.

I heard Mrs.Robertson, a nice middle aged woman that lives down the street talking about these two men. She mentioned how she has met them before and what such great generals they were. Whoever these men are, I bet they are good news considering the man on the horse spreading the excitement is so thrilled!

November 2nd, 1861

Today we found out Emma had a very sickening flu. It lasted for about a week and she is just now getting over being ill. The government is adding taxes to every little thing. The money for taxes will be sent in and given to soldiers in the war. At the market, selling and even buying products is very pricey. It's very difficult to find any good priced or "cheap" buyings any more. Their has been news that the North is very strong and predicted to be undefeatable. The North takes victory in many of the battles against the South. I hope the war is almost war. I know that I am not the only wife that has lost her husband. Many families have had their family members send off to fight in the war. It's difficult and hard to mend with, but everyone hopes and prays for the best and for their loved ones to come home soon. I know, I'm one of them. I can tell Emma tries not to think about her father, gone. Although, Emma is just like her father, strong hearted and tough. She is always so optimistic, always trying to make the best out of everything. I wish I was more like her, all I ever can think about is the worst of the worse in a situation. I pray all the families who've had a family member serve in the war are given strength to get through all the hard times.

October 26th, 1861

Once again, the Union had another victory! Yesterday, on October 26th, in Missouri, held the Zagonyi's Charge! This was the only victory for the Union that occurred in Spring field, in South Western Missouri. The union, now has the operations to control Missouri! The North is doing very well. Hopefully, they will send some soldiers back home and Samuel will be one of them! It has been nearly 3 months. It seems like it's been so long since he left and the weeks have gone by so slow. I dread the days when all I can think about is Samuel and war. It makes me proud he is serving us well, but all the horrid thoughts run through my mind. They have won many battles, but what if they loose one? Could Samuel be one of the soldiers that risked their life and got killed? I try not to think about it, but when I hear the word war, it makes me think of people fighting for what they believe in and death goes along with it.

Knowing Samuel, he pays attention to others. There are those people who you talk to and they act like their listening, but their really not. But not Samuel. He is always listening to what others have to say, even if it doesn't seem like it. He is always aware and ahead of everything. Samuel is a very intellegent man and never slacks off when he's given a task. Samuel is the fit man for war. He's strong and aware of his surroundings. He would do fine fighting but something inside of me kept breaking that thought out of consideration.

October 19th, 1861

This morning, I woke up and got ready for work. I woke Emma up to get ready for school and she didn't look very good. Her face was pale, her eyes were red. I took her temperature and she had a high fever. Emma was sick so she went back to sleep and I decided to stay home with her for the day. Emma started throwing up and did not feel good at all. I figured it was a stomach bug and if it wasn't any better by tomorrow, I would take her to the doctor. I made Emma my famous recipe, chicken noodle soup and gave her some medicine. Emma fell right asleep after she ate and woke up later, feeling better. Hopefully, Emma didn't miss much at school and I called the market saying I couldn't make it to work.

Emma and I sat around the fire that night, looking at the paper for more news about the war. Every time we read about the victories of the Union, we picture Samuel fighting off the strongest people from the confederate army. He was never one to be scared or back down from a challenge. We were still curious to when he will come home. Everything is so different and I try not to act sad in front of Emma. I want her to feel as if he is fighting for her and not just some what of a fact he wanted to leave. He had no choice, but why him? Out of all the many people they choose, Samuel was one. But everything happens for a reason. Soon, Samuel will be back home to dear Emma and I.

October 12th, 1861

I heard of the victory for the North! On October 9th, there was a war on Santa Rosa Island. A general named Richard Anderson from the confederate army led 1,200 men to Fort Pickens, to surprise the union camps. They snuck in and tried to perform a surprise attack on us! Although, the Souths general from the Union named Colonel Harvey Brown, retreated and the victory went to the Union! Shows the confederate army how strong the Union is and how alert and prepared we are! I bet the camps they sent all the soldiers to, have been training very hard like Samuel said. They spend all day training, barely getting any rest.

The Union has some strong fighters who wouldn't back down on us. They train constantly, probably very intensely. I have a good feeling about the war. We are doing very good so far! I can't wait to tell Emma, she will be just as proud as I am. We are all so very proud of the willing men, who are out there, slashing blood and searing tears for everyone and fighting! Hopefully the war will be over soon!

October 5th, 1861

Today, nothing really exiting happened. I brought home fruits and vegetables from the market after work and came home to cook dinner. I met Emma at home and I helped her with her homework. After we finished dinner late evening, we got a knock at the door. A man came with a hat and a suit on. All he did was hand us a letter and was on his way. We opened the letter and it was from Samuel.

Dear Annabelle and Emma,

I'm sorry I have not written you two lately, I can write at certain times we are told, and when we do they only give us a few minutes before they collect them to be sent to the mail. We can't reveil where we are nor tell anyone where we're located and we have been training entirely too long. But its safe to know that we all are positive we're ready for our next battle. Emma I'm very sorry I missed your birthday. I wish I could have been there, I bet your mother made it a good one though. I will make it up to you whenever I come home. I hope you enjoyed your special day, my little girl. Annabelle, I hope you're holding up with everything going on. I wish I could be with the both of you two, I miss you girls so much. I can't wait until the day I will be sent back home to you two, I love you two very much.

Love, Samuel

Reading Samuels letters comforted us, but made us miss him even more. Knowing we were helpless in this situation and couldn't change what had to happen, made us feel downtrodden.

September 28th, 1861

Today Clarissa and her boys, Matthew and Thomas are meeting Emma and I for breakfast at the diner. Emma woke up and got ready and we were on our way. Emma wore her sparkly slippers with a ruffled, pink dress. We sat ourselves to a booth and waited for Clarissa and her children to arrive. Emma looked timid to meet new people. I told her about how Clarissa's husband went off to war and her two boys as well, don't have their father with them. Emma looked glad she was not the only one. They may possibly become friends, which would be good for Emma. She needs a close friend to talk to that will keep her mind off of everything.

Clarissa walked in with her two children and smiled seeing us in the corner of the diner. She sat down across from Emma and I and introduced herself to Emma. Thomas and Matthew introduced themselves and Emma replied shyly, "My name is Emma." We got comfortable and called over a waiter after we decided what we were going to order. Clarissa and I started to talk about our husbands and how long they have been gone. Emma, Tomas and Matthew listened sitting in silence. Matthew started talking to Thomas about a new play being performed in town. Emma joined in the conversation and they all discussed about it. Clarissa told me how her husband, Joseph was sent to war about 6 months ago. Not far before Samuel was sent. We both have been lost without our husbands, who we miss dearly. Our lives have been so different and we've had to learn to do many new things. Like me, Clarissa got a job at the market after her husband left. I'm glad I found someone who can relate to me, having children and all. It must be hard to have two boys, being a handful and all. I hope Emma and Clarissa's children become friends.

September 21th, 1861

Emma turns 7 today. Sadly, Samuel could not have been here to celebrate it with her. Although she would not get to spend her birthday with her father, I hoped to give her a great birthday. The day all started when I woke Emma with flowers, balloons and singing happy birthday, she looked surprised and thrilled. Emma went into the kitchen after I woke her, I made her favorite breakfast, pancakes. There were 4 stacked pancakes, forming a smiley face. Bacon was the mouth, strawberries were the eyes and the nose was blue berries. Whipped cream surrounded the outside, resembling hair.

After Emma was nearly finished, I came behind her with her presents in hand. After Emma was finished, we sat around the fire place, on the couch. I handed her the presents. One was wrapped in a pink box with a yellow bow. The other was in a purple gift bag with green wrapping paper. Emma looked happy but curious at the same time. Emma was one who never expected or asked for anything for her birthday. She started to open the pink box first, which had the silver slippers in them. As she was unwrapping them, the saw something glimmering and ripped the paper apart to see what it was. As she saw she had a glowing look on her face. Emma looked so happy she smiled and said "Thank you ma, I love them so much! They are so pretty." I smiled and told her to open the next. She set the slippers down gently and crumpled the paper to the side. She grabbed the next gift box and opened it. She pulled out the picture frame and truffles and stared at the picture frame in one hand. She smiled and her eyes started to water. She hugged me tight and told me thank you, that I don't know how much that meant to her. She loved her gifts and put the picture frame in her room, next to her bed.

The rest of the day, we went to lunch and sat around the house enjoying the day. I'm glad Emma had a good, memorable birthday she wouldn't forget.

September 14th, 1861

Emma has been counting down, and her birthday is in exactly in one week! She keeps a flip chart of the days on her door, counting down by flipping the page everyday. I went into town earlier after work while Emma was at school. I went into a little boutique, on the corner of St. Bensley, looking for something perfect for Emma. Nothing really caught my eye. Although, as I was leaving, I saw the perfect gift. The moment I saw it, I pictured Emma in my head with the brightest smile on her face. I saw the perfect silver slippers. They were shining in the corner of the store, with the light reflecting off of them. The slippers had a little bow near the toe of the shoe and black laces around the heel. Iridescent sparkles shimmered among them. I knew this would be perfect. I purchased the shoes and got them wrapped. On the way home, I stopped by the general store. It's a small store that sells a ton of, practically everything. I picked up Emma's favorite chocolate truffles and a fancy, picture frame. I decided I'd get a picture of her and Samuel, to put in the picture frame. Also, I was planning to take Emma to her favorite restaurant tomorrow, the same place Samuel took her last year. I could already picture Emma having a great birthday.

September 7th, 1861

I started my job at the market in town. It's really nice and a pretty fun job. I enjoy helping people and seeing all the different people walk in. I met a splendid woman, Clarissa who works there as well. Her husband also, went to war. She has 2 sons, who actually go to the same school as Emma. I am hoping to get Emma and them together, to meet. Emma needs some friends to hang out with, to get her mind off of everything. Clarissa and I feel the exact same way about the war and loosing our husbands.

It's hard being with someone for, forever and loosing them unexpectedly, in the blink of an eye. Everything has been so different without our husbands. Clarissa and I both connect to each other about our emotions. It feels good having someone to talk to, who is in the same situation as me. I miss Samuel so much, it hurts going everyday, without him. I wake up to a dark house and turn over, in the middle of the night, with extra space. The dinner table is quieter and family time is lonelier. I realize that God put my family in this place for a reason. He gave me hope when I met Clarissa. Neither one of us feels so alone anymore.

August 31st, 1861

I found out I got the job at the market! It's not what I would have dreamed of doing, but selling fruits and vegetables could work. I start my shift tomorrow. I work the days Emma goes to school so It works out perfectly. Emma's birthday is coming up and I want to get her something special. She is pretty gloomy, for the fact her father wouln't be home for her birthday. But even if he wouln't be, I want Emma to have another wonderful birthday she will remember.

Last year, Samuel took Emma to her favorite store in town to let her pick out the new doll she wanted. Emma was so happy, because she had been dreaming to get that doll. It was a small doll with brown pigtails and a dress, a fancy doll named Abigail. After, Samuel took Emma to her favorite restaurant in town as well. She got her favorite, grilled cheese. I could tell, Samuel gave Emma the best birthday she could ever wish for. Samuel would always take Emma somewhere special for her birthday. He would surprize her with something different every year, that meant so much to her every time. I hope I can make her birthday as great as Samuel made it for her.

August 24th, 1861

I remember the day of July 18th, when I opened the newspaper and read about the first battle of the civil war, the Battle of Bull Run. The union was forced to flee, and many lives were lost. The union forces, commanded by General Irvin McDowell fought against the confederate forces, lead by General Pierre Beauregard. The confederates won the battle. The union is from the North and the Confederate forces are from the South. I am so thankful Samuel was not sent to war before this battle, for he could have been one of the many, who had gotten killed. Lincoln wants everyone united into a union, so he called in 500,000 volunteers to help fight against the south, for 3 years. Samuel was one of them.

There are some brave men out there who have the wits to risk their life, fighting for their region. I'm proud to say that my husband is one of them. I have learned everything happens for a reason, good and bad. The worst can come out of the best and whatever happens, you have to learn to accept it.

August 17th, 1861

An official came to our house to deliver a letter from Samuel. Emma and I were so timid to find out how he was doing. Emma and I thanked the official and he was on his way. Emma and I went into the living room and sat on the couch, as we read:

Dear my lovely Emma and Annabelle,

I miss you more than anything and more than anyone can miss anyone in the world. I have been keeping a picture of you two in my pocket everywhere I go. Then, if anything happens to me, always remember, you two were the last I thought of. I am doing well, I'm sorry I did not send you two a letter sooner. I have been very busy training. August 10th, we had the battle of Wilson's creek, which was not a very large war. Although, many died. I will try to write to you as often as I can. Henry Buford, my best friend since junior high, is in my training camp for the war as well. It makes me feel closer to home, since he is with me. I love and miss you both dearly. I miss spending time and being there for you two. Going on long walks and picnics with my two favorite people in the world, makes my life. I am counting the days until I will see you two again. I am always thinking about you two wherever I go.

Love, Samuel

Emma and I had a smile all the way through the letter, as well as tears. We were so glad that Samuel was doing well and had Henry with him. We were missing him so much.

August 10th, 1861

Last night Emma woke up at 4 in the morning, crying and terrified. It took me a few minutes to get her to speak to me. Emma had a dream that the soldiers, including Samuel were going to fight and as they were heading South. They all got prepared and put on all their gear. They had their weapons in hand and were all charging out into the chaos. Next thing she knows, a tall bulky man, with light hair aimed his gun at Samuel. The bullet in the gun was released with a loud boom, as smoke went out. The bullet soared in the air and was going for Samuels head. Time froze and the bullet was right in front of Samuel's forehead. All of a sudden, flashed Samuel on the ground laying there, lifelessly. Emma bursted in tears as she imagined it once more.

Emma's dream had scared the both of us. I gave Emma a big hug and told her it was only a dream. Daddy is a tough fighter and is so much more aware of everything around him than just one man going to get him. I bet right now he's thinking of you Emma, and being with you this moment. She smiled and wiped away her last tear. I tucked Emma into bed and gave her a warm kiss on her cheek. Before I walked out of her room she asked me to read her a story. I read her a story about a strong man who didn't let anything stand in his way. He was a horseman who delivered news through town. One day, he had to send an important message and became a hero from it. Emma said she liked that story because it reminds her of her father, who is strong and never lets anything stand in his way. Also, to Emma, Samuel is her hero.

August 3rd, 1861

My family lives in a 1 story house, in Ohio. Not very large but it suits us all. We don't live by large streams of rivers nor on a huge plantation. Nor are we large business owners anymore than a small town family. Money doesn't keep coming in every week. It comes in and goes back out. The budget has been tight and the government has been raising taxes, to send to the soldiers who are fighting in the civil war. Ever since Samuel left, money around the house has been spent for expenses for Emma and school. I have applied to a job in town at a market, it doesn't pay much, although it's based mainly off of tips. I will hopefully find out within the week if I got the job or not. Our family depends on it though, so I hope for the best to get the job.

It's difficult worrying about Samuel and trying to keep Emma happy. Emma doesn't have many friends and she's quite shy. She is a daddy's girl and without her dad around she doesn't speak much. Seeing Emma happy makes my world, but I don't know how to please her in this situation. Emma cries every so often asking when daddy will come home. But, no one knows..

July 27th, 1861

I sit outside my porch, drinking hot tea as Emma plays with her porcelain doll. She brushes her dolls hair, so focused, yet lost in her thoughts. I could tell Emma had thoughts hovering around in her head by the lost look in her eyes. Emma is my 11 year old daughter. She has blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin. She looks more like her dad than me, who has the bluest eyes you may ever see.

I wonder how much older Emma will be before her father gets to see her again. The hardest thing for a parent to do is leave their family and children behind. I miss Samuel so much. I miss having our family together, whole. Emma and I are so sad we do not have the man in the house watching over us anymore. I can't wait until he comes back home for everything to be back to normal. Our live is so lonesome without our hero here with us.

The ones you love can be with you for so long, then be gone in the blink of an eye. It tears me too be living as a half and not a whole, without Samuel. My father use to tell me how you should never take anything for granted. You have to be thankful for every little thing God blessed you with because you don't know how much longer you may be able to hold onto them. Live and love your life like there's no tomorrow, because there really may be, no tomorrow.

July 20th, 1861

It was the summer of 1861, when the officers came to our house in the middle of the night. They arrived in a fancy covered wagon, with silver shingles. They came to our house and knocked, firmly on the door. My heart began to pound, I knew what this meant. It had come the time for Samuel, my husband to go off to war. My heart suddenly sank as they requested for a strong soldier to fight against the South. We all knew who the tall, firm man was looking for. Emma, my 6 year old daughter and I knew this was coming. We helped Samuel gather together his necessities and he was on his way. Samuel gave Emma a big hug and told her he was with her no matter how far away they were. Samuel whispered a few words to me and was on his way.

I glanced out the circular window looking at the wagon, trail down the dusty road. As the wagon glimmered in the distance, it soon disappeared. I felt tears run down my face as I glared at Emma. She was laying in the corner across the room staring with a blank look on her face trying to grasp the fact her dad was gone for who knows how long. I felt as if the life of my daughter no longer relied on me and my husband, but now only me. I could see our family already being torn appart as I try to find the words to say to Emma. I don't know how our lives would stand further on, without Samuel. Desperation appeared in our home and inside of Emma's life as her dad left.

I, Annabelle Andrews the wife of Samuel and mother of Emma will keep a blog to write about all the changes and sacrifices we will experience in our life. I will write about all the times and important events that happen while my husband is away. My heart sunk and crashed into a billion pieces. Sometimes I wish I was still a child because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts.. I have no idea what I am going to do without my beloved, Samuel.