July 15th, 1862

I woke up in the middle of the night to a loud slam of the door. I swore it was a burglar, the heavy foot steps led to my room. My heart was pounding, I began to get out of bed as a large figure rushed to me and gave me a huge hug. Right when I felt the tight grasp, I knew it was Samuel! He hugged me tight and gave me a long loving kiss. I began to shed tears of joy, nothing was more perfect than having Samuel home again. However, I tried not to get my hopes up because I knew he may have to go back to the war. Emma woke up confused, when she saw her daddies face she ran, jumped in his arms and gave him a big hug. Samuel spun Emma around and gave Emma a big kiss on her cheek. "I've missed you two so much!" claimed Samuel. Emma, Samuel and I all let in a big hug. I could not describe the feeling I had to be with Samuel once again. It was more than I could ask for, I would've never expected it. I had no idea he was coming home! I was so thrilled, I could not let go of my family. I had a wonderful feeling having our whole family, together once again.

Samuel explained to us that he served up to 10 months and could come home. Lincoln predicted the war to be over soon and that he would call for more soldiers. Samuel began to tell us about his experience, he explained how it was one of the most horrifying things he's encountered in his life. Who knew you were so close to death when you are on a battle field with thousands of people. Cannons are being fired all around you, people are screaming, horses are galloping, guns are being fired in every direction and men are being shot down every time you blink. It's very chaotic he described it. It was very interesting listening to his experiences from the war. Emma started tensing up, listening to the vivid descriptions of the battles. Samuel described Henrys shooting. "He was right behind me. He slowed down to check for any more loose soldiers. I kept moving forward to the rest of our men. All I heard was the fire of a gun behind me to know something was wrong. I'm so thankful to still have my best friend alive. Sometimes when I really think about it, I feel like it's my fault Henry got shot. He was so close behind me, if only I stayed with him. What would've happened then?" Henry said with guilt.

I explained to him that its all said and done. Henry is fine, the war is over and he is home. We are all alright and safe and there is nothing else to worry about. I made sure Samuel knew how proud of him I was. He is very talented and strong and as much as Emma and I missed him we are very proud of everything he has done for the Union. Samuel began to talk to Emma about her Birthday. He felt horrible he missed it, although he knew he would make it up to her. Emma didn't mind, she was just glad her father was finally home. Samuel turned to me and said, "Well guess who's birthday is next week?" Yes, my birthday was in a week. July 9th actually, I've never been one that likes getting gifts or attention on my birthday. I mean, what was there to wish for? My wish has finally came true.

I knew I would have to see Clarissa soon, she would love to meet Samuel! Also, since Clarissa's husband has been found, I know after everyone gets settled we will all be getting together very often! I am so thankful for the Union I live in, with strong soldiers who serve us well. Many have died and shed blood, sweat and tears for their beliefs. As Lincoln says, everyone has a reason for fighting, whether it's for themselves, their people, their Generals or even their own family. We are all in this together, it's no "one or none". I know our people has done a lot to help in the victories of the Union. Everything was starting to fall back into place. Samuel was home, Clarissa's husband was found and our family was finally together again. Everything was finally perfect, my own kind of perfect. <3

July 8th, 1862

Clarissa's husband came home yesterday! I am so happy for her and her

family. Thomas and Matthew must be so happy, as well. Tonight, I am having them all over for dinner. I knew that since he would've just gotten home,

he wouldn't have wanted to cook food. I have never met Clarissa's husband, so I really wanted to make the dinner nice. I prepared potatoes with gravy,

some stew, and my famous ash cakes. They came a quarter past 5 when Emma and I got to introduce our selves to Clarissa's husband, Wayne. He is a

very firm, tall man. Wayne and I started talking and I asked him if he knew Samuel. He said he did not, I should have figured. There are tons of men

in the camps, it must be very crowded. We all started eating dinner and talked about Clarissa and her family. Emma, Thomas and Matthew didn't seem

too interested, they were having a conversation of their own. Wayne is a very handsome, nice man, I whispered to Clarissa. I have never seen Clarissa

so happy before. I wonder if I look as happy as Clarissa whenever I'm with Samuel. Thomas and Matthew as well, looked happy for the most part.

Besides the fact I could tell they weren't too much interested in the ash cakes. They contained sweet spices and vegetables, in my opinion I love them.

But that's not what matters. Tonight was nice, I'm glad I got to meet Clarissa's husband. They are such a happy, enjoyable family to be around.

July 1st, 1862

Today, around late afternoon, Clarissa came to my house, thrilled. She told me her husband was found and that he had a few wounds but he would survive. He would be able to come home for good in a few weeks. Clarissa was so relieved and ecstatic! I was so happy for her, I could tell now she was beginning to feel a lot better! I am glad that Clarissa's husband was found, I started worrying about her by the way she was acting. It is a blessing he was found, he needed to come home to his wonderful wife and glorious children. Hopefully, when Clarissa's husband comes home I will be able to meet him sometime.

At the commission, there are few soldiers, troops and generals. They all went back to the war, recovering quickly which is quite a good thing. The days are going on very slowly. Emma and I went on a walk and enjoyed a nice picnic. The weather was wonderful, it was very humble and sunny outside. I loved the weather, I wish it was like this more often. Usually, there is a slight breeze that becomes chilly, but today was a very calming, peaceful day. I love the days where I can sit outside, relaxing, have my mind off of all worries and watch the sunset by enjoying a nice hot glass of tea. I haven't had one of those days in awhile, I miss the old times. I'm always stressed out nowadays, there is always something on my mind. Samuel use to be the only one who could make me clear my mind off of everything. He always has the perfect set of words to make me feel better.

June 24th, 1862

I have not heard from Samuel in awhile, I am getting very worried considering the fact of the harsh battle we've had. I hope he writes me soon, I miss him so much. Hopefully, he met back up with Henry since he's been sent back to the war. There has been so much suspense lately for everyone due to the war. Everyone is stressed out and are going ballistic without their husbands. I know I am one of them. Before the war, I would have never imagined getting my husband taken away from me and having to live on without him while he serves in the Union. None of this came to my attention until a few months ago. I understand that after all this is over, hopefully Lincoln will once again do what's best and unite the North and the South so we can be a whole again. All I can say is that slavery better not be expanded, but lets not even go there.

I met up with Clarissa today, she's doing better. I try to cheer her up and let her know that I'm here for her anytime she needs me. I am willing to spare my shoulder when she needs someone to cry on. I hope the best for her, I can only imagine what she's going through. I feel her pain of having the feeling she's lost her husband forever. I as well, do not know what I would do either if anything like that happened to me. I am always here for though and know that he will be found soon. I pray for Clarissa and her family to get through the struggles of the news about their father. I pray that all the soldiers stay strong and fight hard to victory. That Samuel is doing alright and Henry is feeling better.

June 17th, 1862

So much has occurred the past few months, if I could wish for anything it would be for the war to just end. That the Union and Confederacy could solve their differences and come to a treaty. Then, Samuel could come home, Clarissa's husband would've never gone missing and the Union and Confederacy would be a whole again. That's everything Lincoln would've supported as well, he is a god man. Lincoln is non supportive of the idea of slavery and believes that you should always help others. He is a patient, humorous, caring man of citizenship.

In my opinion, Lincoln is one of the best presidents we've had, regarding the civil war that is occurring during his presidency. The war is very haunting, I bet it scars many soldiers when they come home. Clarissa explained to me that the General told her they were picking up the dead bodies and found her husbands missing. It must be devastating picking up your own mens, dead bodies and declaring them dead or not. I know I could not do it, I couldn't even have the courage to walk on a battle field whether there was a war going on or not. It must be hard going out there to fight, you'd have to have a lot of bravery. Especially when your fighting off others and you may see your best friend get shot. You must have to have a lot of wits and strength to keep fighting without giving up and backing down. I'm thankful for all the many soldiers we have fighting for the Union, they are all so strong and brave.

June 10th, 1862

Today at the Commission, nurses are treating people with diseases which could be a cause for the many deaths. Many of the areas the soldiers are traveling, catch sufferable diseases. Hopefully, they just may have a miracle and find a cure. There have been many lives lost within the week. The Union deserves to win the war. Lincoln has good technique and leadership to lead the Union to victory. The Confederate does not deserve to win, due to the ignorance they have. All the South cares about is their people and slavery. Slavery is inhumane and cruel, no single human being deserves to be looked down upon nor treated like dirt.

Every individual is equal and no person stands higher than any other should. Some of the most unfortunate people have the most talent, but it may never be recognized because people are too blinded and ignorant to look past the flaws. The South may have the strength to win, but they will never have what really matters, nobility and leadership. I know that Lincoln will do what's best. I do not know what our world would be like if the South won the war and slavery expanded into the North. I could not imagine how the economy would change either. Slaves are cruel and southerners show no respect toward any others, besides themselves. I hope the war is over soon and that the North and South can just make peace with one another.

June 3rd, 1862

Clarissa came over today and told me that she told Matthew and Thomas about their father. As for her, they had nothing to say. They just started crying and asked when she found out. Clarissa gave her boys a hug and told them what the General told her. They would bring new news whenever they found something else out. I could tell Clarissa has a lot on her mind. Worrying about her children, her husband and herself. She had a large weight to carry on her shoulders. Clarissa was over about an hour and said she better be heading home. Matthew and Thomas would be coming home from school soon and she had to get supper ready. I invited Clarissa and her family over for dinner, which was the least I could do.

Whenever Emma got home, I told her Clarissa, Matthew and Thomas's father went missing from the war and that as a nice gesture, we would supply dinner for them. Emma had the sweet idea of making them a pie to take home with them. Emma put down her school bag and started making a blueberry pie. I started the chicken and putting together the gravy. I put the biscuits in the oven and started boiling up some soup. The food smelt so delicious I knew it would be perfect.

Right as Emma and I finished, Clarissa, Matthew and Thomas arrived on perfect timing. Emma went up and gave Thomas and Matthew a big hug. You could tell how much it meant to them, still feeling sad about the whole situation. We all sat down for dinner and started eating, the food was very delightful. After we finished supper, Clarissa and her boys only stayed around for about 15 minutes. Usually we would chat for awhile, but Emma and I both knew that they had nothing to say and were not in the mood. Before they left, Emma gave them their pie and it looked like that cheered Thomas and Matthew up. They thanked us dearly and were on their way.

May 22nd, 1862

Today, Clarissa came to my house crying. She looked so shocked and heartbroken at the same time. She explained to me about how her family got a letter that her husband was one of the 5 soldiers who went missing in the Battle of McDowell. She was so devastated in tears and could not find the words to speak to me. I felt so bad and sad for myself for her husband. When Clarissa started to stop crying she told me that a general came to her home and told her about how the battle had many deaths, injuries as well as missing people. The officer explained to her that her husband went missing after the battle. The rest of the soldiers went back to pick up the dead bodies and pronounce them dead when 5 went missing. Clarissa's husband was one of them. Clarissa immediately broke down when they said he was one of them.

She could not grasp the fact out of the 6,500 people, her husband was 1 of 5 of the 6,500 people to go missing. She found it unbelievable and could not stop crying. I understand how Clarissa felt, because I would feel the exact same way. The General guaranteed Clarissa that when he found more information out about her husband that he would let her know, as soon as possible. I gave Clarissa a big hug and told her that I was here for her and that if she'd like her and her boys could come and spend some time over at our house. Clarissa thanked me and said her children were still in school. She broke down crying again, trying to think of a way she would tell her kids about their father.

May 15th, 1862

I have received bad news earlier today. The confederate army won the Battle of McDowell. To my acknowledge, from the Union 34 were killed, 220 are wounded and 5 are missing. From the Confederacy, 116 were killed, 300 are wounded, 4 are missing. On the bright side, only 34 compared to 116 were killed. Although, many are wounded and few are missing, 34 lives compared to 116 lives is not that man. Although, if you think about it, 34 lives that could be nearly 7 families, all lost on the battle field.

Lincoln must already be sending in more soldiers to fight, since we lost. I pray that Samuel nor Henry got injured, are missing or the worst, killed. I also, pray for all the families that have injured, missing or even killed soldiers. They are probably in devastation and lamentable, I know I would be. I would not be able to live a single day if I knew my husband passed away. The pain would live on with me my whole life knowing, I would never see my husband again. As well for Emma, she would have to grow up and live her life without her daddy, no man to lead her through her life. It is one of the most contemplative and veritable thoughts that have been running through my mind.

May 8th, 1862

Today, I met up with Clarissa again. I told her about my experiences at the Commission. I explained to her about Henry and the man who got shot in the head. It's so devastating seeing many lives lost, feeling hopeless knowing theres really nothing you can do. It hurts to be so close to many deaths of your own people. Clarissa told me about how she hasn't heard from her husband in a few weeks either, which worries the both of us.

Late evening, we got a letter sent to the town about the Battle of McDowell that is now occurring. It is being fought in Highland country, a part of Virginia. In this battle, the Union has 6,500 strength over the Confederates 6,000. The Unions commanders are Robert H. Milroy and

Robert C. Schenck. As for the Confederates, is Stonewall Jackson. I pray that this is a strong war and the Union takes victory with all the strength they have, and over powering number of soldiers. They have been forced to fight and become stronger, all they need is encouragement. I know they will be able to do this. They have been training very hard and have already, had many successes. Hopefully, this will be one of the many others.

May 1st, 1862

The turning point of the war in the New Mexico Territory occurred two days ago, on March 28th with the Battle of Glorieta which lasted for nearly 3 days. Union forces destroyed a confederate supply train which was located 6 miles East from where the battle was occurring. Many confederate soldiers suffered many wounds and deaths. I am trying to remember all the news the telegraph contained about this event but I can't quite remember the rest. I pray that Henry is recovering well and is doing alright.

I hope he does not become easily weak and weary. I have a feeling he will get through it, although I am still very concerned. Hopefully, I will hear from Samuel soon to know if he has seen Henry once again. I hope they are both doing alright and will be able to come home soon. Today, a man who got shot in the head was sent to the Commission. He was in a coma for 2 days and the doctors tried to do everything they could, until they announced they lost him. It was too late, another brave man who fought for the Union lost their life. It must be devastating for the soldiers family members and friends. Why must there be war, fighting doesn't solve anything. It's just an act of showing whom is stronger than another. Peace is not being made, only shame and death. I do not understand how anyone can fight their enemy, it only causes more trouble that is not necessary.

April 24th, 1862

As I predicted, Henry got drafted back into the war. He is still weak and sore in his shoulder but the Generals say he could be to some assistance. I did not get to say my last words to him before who knows when, but I pray that he feels better and has strength to be placed back into to war. Although, Samuel will be thrilled to see him. I hope Samuel is doing alright, I haven't heard from him in a few weeks. Emma has been asking me about Henry until I told her I would not be seeing him any more, since he is going back to war. Emma then, asked about her father. She questioned about how if Samuel got hurt then, he may get sent to the Commission. I told Emma not to cross her fingers for that. I explained how it's much better if Samuel is somewhere else, healthy and unharmed than home and critically injured. I would not put my selfish desires under my husbands health. I just wish the war would be over or at least send the present soldiers home and send in new ones. I've been worrying about Samuel a lot. It kills me to walk around the Commission aiding soldiers, troops and generals from the war. It hurts aiding soldiers who could once, be my own husband. When I don't hear from Samuel in a long amount of time it gives me the feeling something bad has really happened to him. I do not have a single clue how Emma and I would stand in life, nor go on if anything happened to Samuel.

April 17th, 1862

Whenever Samuel tell's me not to worry and that he will be alright, makes me worry even more about him. A lot has occurred the past few days concerning the war. On April 12th, the confederates fired on Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbor. Although, the next day, Fort Sumter surrendered. Lincoln called for 75,000 volunteers April 15th, that is a plentiful amount of people. Today, Virginia's convention voted for secession. There are so many events concerning the war occurring. I hope Samuel is doing well and that Henry recovers quickly so he can be back on his feet. From the looks, it seems Henry may have to go back to war soon. He is doing well but also, Lincoln is calling for more soldiers including the ones who are still serving.

Today was a slow day, I only assisted patients that've been there for weeks. I changed out patients bandages, served lunch and cleaned up. I always figured public food such as doctors and such served horrible foods. Although, those are just rumors from stereotypes, the food cooked at the Commission was wonderful. I don't know if it's just me because I'm so use to only eating food I usually cook, but it was very delightful! I wonder if people think of my food as delightful as I think of theirs. I love cooking but I never stopped to think, am I even a good cooker?

April 10th, 1862

It's been almost a month since Henry woke up from his injury and was treated. Henry is doing much better and his shoulder is nearly healed. Although, I hope they do not send him back to the war so soon, he is not ready. His shoulder is still very weak and can barely be stretched out. However, the Union needs soldiers and exceptions aren't an excuse. Whatever happens to Henry, I pray that he can still be a strong fighter and make it through the pain he's going through.

I explained to Clarissa about Henry and Samuel and the war. Clarissa has been watching Emma for the hours I spend extra at the Commission, it really helps me out. I appreciate everything she has done for me, It means so much. Emma explained to me about how she wanted to go meet Henry one day. Unfortunately, they would be strict about that and there were too many ill people, I would not want Emma to be exposed to.

Everything has been so hectic. Seeing what happened to Henry really worries me that something may happen to Samuel. I would rather have him stay unharmed somewhere else than critically injured here. I have no earthly idea what I would do if I went to the Commission one regular, old day and saw my husbands face. I would be speechless and devastated, I do not know what I would do if my husband every got injured and I saw him. I would much rather wait to see his shining face happy and successful than with pain and sorrow. Regarding how long it would take.

April 3rd, 1862

Today we got a letter back from Samuel! He told us about how he was doing fine and that he knows about Henry and has been terribly worried. Anyways, on with the letter..

Dear Emma and Annabelle,

I am very sorry I have not responded in so long. That is wonderful you work at the Commission, it is a very good place to have a job at. I in fact, have heard about Henry. I was actually there when he got shot down. The war really scars you and it's horrible running away from the dead bodies of your own men. Henry was running back to the rest of us and as he turned around, a man came out of no where and shot him. It was the scariest moment in my life. One of the troop leaders shot the man as we all rushed over to Henry. He looked very dizzy and out of it. He started loosing a ton of blood and started going to sleep on us. We made sure everything was clear and we left, group by group. Henry's shoulder was tied by a bandana I keep in my jacket, which kept his arm tight so he would not loose any more blood. I swore I had lost my best friend that moment. Everything happens so fast, it's scary how many dead people fill fields and how just one can affect many lives. I know you will take good care of him as well as the other nurses. Please give him my best regards. I miss two so much more than you can imagine. Please, do not worry about me, I will be fine. Take care of yourselves, I will hear from you soon.

Love, Samuel.

March 27th, 1862

Today, I made the decision to speak to Henry. He seemed like he was doing a lot better than last week. He was awake eating some of the chicken broth that was made earlier that morning. I sat down next to him and said hello Henry. He looked at me with a surprised look. He said to me, "Anna? I haven't seen you in years!" Everyone who I knew as a teenager called me Anna, and then I started going by Annabelle as I got older. Henry and I talked about his shoulder and about how I've been working at the commission. I told Henry I was concerned about him and that I hope his shoulder gets better. He simply said, "Oh it's nothing, I will be fine." That's what all tough men say but really, I bet they want to cry as much as they say the women complain. Henry and I started talking about the war when he told me about how him and Samuel ran into each other at one of the training camps. I explained to Henry about how Samuel sent me a letter a few months ago telling me about seeing you. I told him how I thought it was nice he had someone there to be with, that he knew. Henry told me that Samuel is doing fine as of what he knows, before he got shot. He told me how intense and long the training is. Henry was always the one to joke around with everyone. He told me about how horrible the food tasted and how he would trade that food in anyday for his wifes wonderful cooking. It's nice getting to see and speak to Henry about everything going on. However, once he is all healed up he will most likely be sent back into the war.

March 20th, 1862

I have been very worried about Henry as well as Samuel. Although, I have good news, Henry awoke today! He was feeling very weak and confused. He asked what happened to his arm and explained how all he could feel was pressure and throbbing in his shoulder. The nurse explained to him what happened and he started to have flash backs from the incident. He looked scared and timid at the same time. He had no clue about where he was and if he had to go back to the war. I could tell he was wondering, where is my family, how long have I been here, how did I end up here?

After a few hours he got settled down and from what the nurses knew, they explained to him. It must be hard trying to explain to someone what happened to them when you barely even know. Henry got weaker and weaker by all the confusion he was creating for himself. He looked very tired and worn out, with bags under his eyes. His arm was all bandaged up but he insisted on seeing it. The nurses said to wait awhile, as Henry explained what he started remembering about getting shot. He explained how he started to turn around to head back to his army and a man in gear and a mask pulled out a revolver and shot him in the shoulder. All he said he could remember was a sharp pain and feeling his body crash to the ground. The rest was a blur along with the faces and screaming among his ears.

I sat and listened from the side, to the conversations Henry murmured with the nurses. I decided to wait a few days until I would talk to him. I could tell he was weak and obviously loved to talk! He needed time to recover and heal. He is a very strong man, I doubt I would have the courage to wake up to the pain and confusion he has to deal with, if that happened to me.

March 13th, 1862

Today Emma and I decided we would write Samuel a letter. We hadn't heard from him in so long and we didn't know where to begin..

Dear Samuel,

Emma and I are worried and have been anxious to know how you have been doing, we miss you so much. I began a job at the United States Sanitary Commission as a nurse. The other day, I aided a man who had been shot in shoulder by a confederate. I came to find out that it was Henry Buford. It aches my heart to have been so close to someone and not even realize whom it was. I'm not sure if you know about his injury but I will keep you updated on how he is doing. He has not awoken since his injury. Although, the best trained nurses are trying to do the best they can. I've met a nice woman from a past job I took at the market, named Clarissa. Her husband is in the war as well. She has two boys, Matthew and Thomas who Emma enjoy being around. Clarissa has been there through a lot with me. Possibly, you may know her husband, I never caught his name though. I cannot wait until the day you come home. I constantly try to remember and hold on to the memories we have. I miss you very much. Please write back to me as soon as you can, I hope you are alright. Emma and I have been worrying about you deeply and are anxious to hear from you soon.

Love, Annabelle and Emma

March 6th, 1862

Today, at the Commission, the nurses got the bullet out of Henrys shoulder. I saw the wound before I got to help bandage it. The wound from where the bullet was pulled out, is very deep. It is swelled and may be infected. The nurses gave me ointment to put on it that should heal it quickly. Henry has been out for days and has a pulse but has not awaken yet.. I wonder if he will ever awake, I hope he does. I can't imagine how Samuel would feel if he lost Henry. I wish I could talk to Samuel, I decided I would write him a letter later on.

Emma has never met Henry before, I am trying to decide whether or not to tell her about his injury. I'm not sure what's best for her but it's better she knows now than later. I do not want to scare her by making her think this will happen to her father. I told her later on that evening and she had a surprised look on her face. She looked shocked and struck by the news. I could tell she had fear in her eyes about what all can happen to the hopeless people out there fighting. I hope that Samuel is doing well and is aware of Henry's injury.

February 30th, 1862

Oh my goodness, today I found out who the man that got shot in the shoulder was! It was Henry Buford, Samuels best friend since Junior high. How could I have not recognized him!? Under the layer of blood, sweat and dirt was a face I knew. Oh my goodness. The layer of guilt built up in my body. Before, I had no clue who the man was. Only feeling concerned but no where near the feeling I have now, knowing who it was. I felt shocked and sunken when I found out. When I arrived at the Commission today, I saw his profile in the cabinet and saw who he was. I hope I can request to help treat him, since I know him.

I can't even remember the last time I've seen him. I wasn't very close to him or anything but as I knew Samuel since we were young, Samuel and Henry were always together. They were more than best friends, more like brothers. I hope Henry wakes up and gets better. He is very, severely injured and the wound from the bullet is very deep. I wonder if Samuel knows that Henry has been shot. I wonder if Samuel, himself is doing alright. I hope I get to hear from the both of them soon. Henrys wound does not look very good, I pray that the nurses do all they can and will be able to help Henry so he will be alright.

February 23th, 1862

I had a very amazing day. The Commission is so much of what I dreamed. I love helping every single one of the people in there. There was one man who had a bloody arm that was very skinned up. I helped wash his arm and bandaged it with a wrap. There were many people, mostly men on stretcher, layout beds being cared by many women. The man I bandaged was named Robert. He got his arm stuck in the belt of some type of machine gun... I did not quite catch all of what he was explaining to me. There were lots of men, some needing serous medical help and others just being mended for.

There was one man.. I'm not sure what his name was but he was shot down by a confederate and was sent to the Commission. He was shot on his left shoulder, near his heart. One of the ladies that was near him, but not one of the ladies helping him, said they lost him and his heart beat stopped. Somehow, she explained, it started pulsing back up. Trained women were helping the man but they are still trying to get him to wake and go from there.

I pray for that man and his family. I hope the bullet did not send a shock to his heart and severely hurt him. Please mend that man to healing so he can go home to his family.

February 16th, 1862

Oh how the months have flown by.. Valentines day was just two days ago..

Emma and I spent our valentines day with Clarissa , Matthew and Thomas. Once again, Matthew and Thomas were excited to talk to Emma, as well as she. They laughed and enjoyed the time they spent together. Clarissa filled me in with what she was planning on doing, further on. She told me she was going to stay, working at the market. She'd love to work at the Commission, though, with her two boys to handle she did not want to put every thing off from them by spending more time at the Commission.

Clarissa's dear, petite self offered me the sweetest thing. She said she understands how I want to be connected closer to the war and help out, so she offered to let Emma stay with her whenever she's not at school, and I am at the Commission. I felt like a handle and told her she really didn't have to but she insisted. She said the boys would like that, as well as Emma. Since, they enjoy seeing each other so much. Emma, Matthew and Thomas all go to the same school, but I doubt they barely get to see one another. Clarissa is such a help, I don't know if I can ever repay her for so much of what she's helped me through.

February 9th, 1862

I have ended by job at the market and now I will work at the United States Sanitary Commission. I have a feeling I will like it, I'm really excited to start helping people. Clarissa is a little dreadful I'm not working at the market anymore. Although, I only needed a job there part time to hold me up from the start. I had to move on from that because I knew working at the Commission would be where I felt I really belong. Clarissa liked the idea of the Commission though! Although, I'm not quite sure what she will be doing as of staying at the market or a different alternative. I'm not worried though, I have a positive feeling that wouldn't be the last time we ever talk. Clarissa and I still talk often and meet together a few times a week. Clarissa's boys like seeing Emma and I enjoy that because then Clarissa and I get to have time to chat and catch up on everything.

I start the job next week! Emma is excited for me as well. She knows how much I enjoy nursing people. I use to play doctor with Emma, a few years ago.. before the war started. She would always pretend to be sick and I would be the doctor. I'd examine her and give her "medicine" telling her, her symptoms. I miss those fun, laughable times we've had. I would do anything to have everything back to how it use to be. The whole family, not worrying about anything and being a whole, together..

February 2nd, 1862

I've been thinking about a lot lately concerning the war and occupying myself. I decided that I want to try to become a nurse and aid troops from the war. I love volunteering and helping others. I want to work in an organization called the United States Sanitary Commission. Thousands of women from the North and South go to work at organizations like the U.S Sanitary Commission and I decided it would be a good thing to do. I enjoy helping others and treating them when they are sick or injured.

I know i'm not the only one who has had a lost, loved one. Many peoples husbands, fathers, uncles, grandfathers and more have lost their lives or came home seriously, longtime wounded. Many men are shattered by their experiences of the war and place burdens on their families. Many men who come back from the war suffer serous injuries and may even have to deal with them for the rest of their lives. Lots of women are ecstatic when their husbands return but have to grasp the fact they may be critically injured. I have no earthly idea what I would do if this happened to Samuel. I feel comfort when I get to help make a change and mend an injured person.

It will hurt seeing many injured troops, weak and dying. Although, It will feel good knowing I may save a family from desperation by helping their loved ones. I am almost positive this is what I want to try to do.

January 26th, 1862

Today I started working on the generals uniforms. I never felt like I had such a duty to serve to the war, until now. It feels good being connected to the ones in the war. Emma was interested in the way I embroider and sew all the colors together. She offered to help but when I tried to explain how It'd have to be done, she simply said "I'll be in my room playing with Mallory.." and giggled. Mallory is her favorite doll her daddy gave to her. She carries it nearly every where she goes. Emma is always fixing her dolls hair, brushing it, braiding it and even takes her on walks with her. I wish our family was a whole again. I feel like a portion of my life has been ripped out of me and i'm sinking without it. Since the day Samuel has left, Emma and I's lives have been very different. But we are making it through and Emma seems to be opening up. The first few months her father left, she was very closed to herself and lonesome. She would barely talk to me and would never tell me what was on her mind. Although, we both came out of our shell once we started getting our mind off of everything and making the best of what we've to deal with.

January 19th, 1862

Today Georgia seceded from the Union. Since the civil war began, South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida and Alabama have been the only seceding states. When a state secedes, they basically leave or withdraw from the Union. When I got home from the market, I got a letter requesting to help sew clothing such as uniforms for generals in the war. I heard that most of the women who've had a family member sent to war, have gotten a letter like mine. All we were asked was to sew uniforms with the description given under the letter. Then, we were to send them in to the address given above. I barely have time now for such work! I don't know how I will fit it in although, I plan on doing a few over the weekend. Somehow, I felt surprised getting this letter but also, honored. It would be nice getting to help sew the generals uniforms. I like sewing and making clothing. Even when I was little, I use to tinker with the needle and thread. I enjoyed trying to make something out of my hands. When I was 11, I made my mother a hat. I practiced often and kept doing it until now.

January 12th, 1862

Finally, the rain has stopped! It was a sunny day, having the blistering sun

hovering over the frigid air. I dried Emma and I's clothes on the line and found myself with some extra, spare time to myself. I knitted a scarf I would give to Clarissa. It's the least I could do for everything she's done for me. The scarf was very soft and had multiple colors along it. It was white with light pink and green stripes. I hope she will like it, i've been working on it for hours and will hopefully be finished soon.

It is very, very frigid outside. Emma loves going outside seeing frost on the

house and see her breath whenever she talks. Personally, I do not like the

cold. It gets pretty chilly in Ohio over the winter. I prefer cool weather as it

is here, over the Summer. Although, it gets very cold. I wish there was cool

weather throughout the year. I don't like having to pack layers of clothes on

and burn my tongue on hot drinks, having to warm me up. I'd rather be

enjoying the nice breeze sitting on the patio.. like the old days.

January 5th, 1862

I cannot believe its already 1862! For new years, I give a shout out to all the soldiers who have and are fighting for our union and the confederate army. Courageous soldiers are on battle fields this moment fighting for what they believe in. Many people take what they have for granted but it's not about having the best of everything, but making the best of everything you have. What I've learned while Samuel is gone is that everything happens for the best and through it all, you learn new things. What doesn't kill you along the way of your challenges, can only make you a stronger person. People have to learn to accept what's planned for them. I mean I'm not going to complain about having my husband sent off to war, even though I miss him like crazy.

I know that God has a plan for Samuel and a reason for him to be sent off to war. I have no doubt that Samuel will be alright, he will be in Gods hands, safe. He has the strength and faith fit for a soldier who can overcome any of the greatest or smallest things. I hope this new year offers many wonderful things, including the war to be over and soldiers to be sent home, safely to their families.

December 29th, 1861

Christmas, 3 days ago was very calming. It was lonely but peaceful. The feeling of the warm fire and glowing streets, christmas carolers around town, aroma of fresh meat and delicious foods. It was all perfect, but one thing was missing, family... Samuel. I never really had a true family as I was growing up. Holidays was just Samuel, Emma and I. My mother and father passed away as I was a child. I grew up with my grandmother, whom passed away when I was nearly taking care of her. As for Samuel, him and his family haven't talked in many years.

This Christmas, Clarissa and her children came over for dinner. Clarissa brought over a portion of the food we feasted on. It was all wonderful food. Even though Clarissa and her children kept company, the house still felt empty without Samuel. It was wonderful being with their family though. They are wonderful people and Clarissa feels just as overwhelmed with everything, as me. Clarissa and I are very supportive to one another about our struggles that we've gone through. I am glad I have someone there for me that I can always count on, Clarissa.

Happy Birthday Jesus Christ <3

December 22nd, 1861

Today Emma and I got a letter from Samuel! I was so thrilled, I could not wait until we would hear from him. I hoped he was doing well from all of the battles that occurred. Emma and I opened the letter right after we got it, not even having the patience to sit down. The letter read:

Dear Emma and Annabelle,

I miss you two dearly. I am truly sorry I have not written you two in a while. We have been very busy with training, as I mentioned last time. I miss you two so very much. I cannot get my mind off of you two where ever I go. I am always thinking about how you two are doing and when I will be able to see my two beautiful ladies again. The battles have gotten very difficult, as well as the training. We spend days and nights getting stronger and stronger by the minute. I get scared whenever I go out to fight. Although, knowing the more I fight the closer I may be to seeing you two, makes me fight with even more effort. It kills me to know I will probably not be home to celebrate Christmas in 3 days. That would be a miracle if they sent us home to our family for Christmas. Although, I'm pretty sure that's not the way it all works out. I miss you two very much. I dread the days I have to go without you, but we both have to stay strong. Everything will be over soon and I will come back home to my two favorite, girls. I love you two very much.

Love Samuel.

Samuel is the light to our lives and knowing he will not be home for Christmas is very dreadful but what whats got to happen, has to happen and that cannot be changed.

December 15th, 1861

Late afternoon, the town got late news that occurred a few days ago. The news spoke of the battle of Chusto-Talasah/Caving Banks, occurring on December 9th. In the Tulsa County, Colonel Douglas H. Cooper and his 1,300 Confederates attacked Chief Opothleyahola. The Chief was aware they were coming and placed troops at Horseshoe Bend. They fought for hours until Cooper and his confederates drew the federalists East, where they took the victory. There was word that Cooper and his men from the confederate army, backed off once they drew them East and then left. Knowing this, hopefully everyone is alright.

The wars are so unexpected. My family lives in a very small town in Hollansburg, Ohio. We don't get news of any expected occurrences, only important news that gets telegraphed. I hope no one got hurt, especially Samuel. I don't know what I would do if something happened to Samuel in the war. I would be devastated, it's already hard enough not seeing him month after month. All I wake up to in the morning is to see little Emma and hope for Samuel's return. My family is my everything and without Samuel, Emma and I's life feels incomplete.